Hurrah, spring is here! And with spring comes new hope, new growth, and the smell of sweet flowers (and I suppose for many of you, lots of sneezing and watery eyes ). Hopefully, for most, spring means moving out of quarantine and entering society again. It means new beginnings for us as well. This is a great opportunity to take stock and think:
Who do I want to be?
We have had months to get to know ourselves due to our social isolation, so, what’s next?
What did you learn about yourself?
One of the hardest tasks we have is to get down to our core beliefs, the core drives that get us moving every day.
Perfection: The Lesson
Most of us are fear-driven and spend our days trying to avoid our triggers in order to get through another day. So, for me, it was to avoid making a mistake. In my family, making mistakes was one of the worst things you could do. We were shamed for making mistakes, made to feel small like we should have known better.
It has taken me a lifetime to be able to find this core belief and take it apart. I have learned that making mistakes is how we learn. How boring perfection is! It means the journey is done!
It is so freeing to be able to admit to making a mistake or to being wrong.
Accepting Imperfection: The Results
Here’s what I have found. People expect a fight, they anticipate that we will argue, not want to admit to faults or mistakes. So give it a try. Take a safe place where you can just say, “Yup, I was wrong. Sorry about that“.
Take note of the reaction you get. The receiver will want to press the point, “but you were wrong.” Then just freely say, “you, you are right. I was absolutely wrong. Sorry about that.” It is really so fun to watch how astounded people are that you are willing to admit a mistake or a fault! Then the wind goes out of the sails, and it’s all done. It is so freeing all around!
Perfection and fear of making a mistake are very common core beliefs. We will tackle other core beliefs down the road. But let’s start here and see if this one is hiding in your closet.
And Happy Spring! Go smell some flowers (and maybe take your Claritin first!)!
—
Karen W. Malm, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Executive Director
Summit Community Counseling
5689 S Redwood Rd #27
Taylorsville, UT 84123
801-266-2485
www.summitcom.org
